He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
