it wasn't lemon gatorade
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
