***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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