So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
