i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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