nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
