It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
