I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and she was petting her beer can
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
