ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize