he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
