Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
