Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
