Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
