somebody snuck up and got me drunk
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How does it feel to date your dad?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
