i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
