I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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