This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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