it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
