It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
