Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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