The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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