Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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