Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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