I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
