I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
