whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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