I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
