I seem to have left my pride at pride
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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