I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
