i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
