i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
