Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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