I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
