I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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