I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
