Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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