Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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