u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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