Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
