My sheets look like a crime scene.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
