Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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