at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This gyro tastes like lonliness
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize