You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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