so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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