After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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