And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
