I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
