just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
