That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
how does that bad decision feel?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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