Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
