Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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