He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
