I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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