best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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