The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There r osticjed everywhere
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
