if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
