Buhtt sex?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
