I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
