What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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