Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
