Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
