hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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