i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
