We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
