Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
