i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize