We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
