I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize