I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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